Tiger Did What?!?

Today marked the start of the first Major golf tournament Tiger Woods played in since April’s Masters. His long lay off from knee, calf, achillies, sex, and caddy issues ended last week in a lackluster performance at the WGC Firestone Invitational. Woods had won that event 7 times prior to last week and has won over $9 million at that tournament alone. I shrugged off his above par (can’t use subpar to mean bad in golf) performance as rust. I knew he probably did not have a great shot at winning this week at “Glory’s Last Shot” aka the season’s final major, but I still thought he would compete.

I woke up to a text from my father that said Tiger tees off at 8:30 am and the coverage does not start until 1 pm. He is on vacation this week and able to watch a lot more than usual, so he was rather frustrated by the timing of things. Luckily for him, there was great online coverage that was solely following Tiger’s group of seemingly over-the-hill stars of the PGA tour. Woods was playing with former major winners Davis Love 3rd and Paddy Harrington. Tiger’s round started like any other major that he played (circa 2000) and he rolled in a 20 footer for birdie on the 10th hole, his first of the day. A par followed, and then another birdie and he was looking good at 2 under through 3 holes. Woods then made mince meat out of the par 4 14th hole and stuck his approach to 5 feet on his way to his third birdie in 5 holes and, believe it or not, he had a brief share of the lead at that point. Man, I looked at his scorecard at that point and I had the same feeling I have when Ryan Howard hits a home run. It is excitement coupled with the fact that your favorite player is doing what you want him to do. If you’re a big sports fan, it does not get much better than this feeling. So, from the highest of highs at this juncture in the round, Tiger Woods fell, and fell quickly. I could come up with any cliche in the book to explain what happened to Woods from that point on, especially for a man who was once indestructible. So I’ll let this clip do the talking. America was collectively playing the David Spade role in that scenario. Woods D-RAILED after his hot start.

He had to have been feeling good standing on the 15th tee at 3 under par and swinging the club well. The 15th is a ridiculously long par 3, 260 yards (longest in major championship history, to be exact) with water right and trouble left. For a long time I have been a firm proponent that a real man does not hit a wood off a par 3 tee (much to the chagrin of my distance challenged father), but even I may have made an exception on this one. Woods did not, and his tee shot on this hole was the beginning of a very ugly end. I assume he hit a 2 iron, if he carries one, if not it was a 3, but he flared it out to the right and it found the water hazard. He then had a 100 yard shot and a chance to get up and down to save bogey. He yanked that 15 feet left of the pin and then left his bogey putt a foot short. I’m not sure if you are aware, but 90% of putts left short don’t go in. It was just as much a mental mistake for Woods to leave that putt short as it was physical. Nevertheless, he had the hot start so he was still 1 under par and not out of anything. Woods found a fairway bunker with his next drive which led to another bogey and dropped him to even par for the tournament. No big deal, it’s Tiger Woods, he’ll right the ship. Well, from there he actually wronged the ship. He made par at 17 and then, brace yourself, he went double bogey at 18, bogey at 1, and another bogey at 2. That is a 6 hole stretch played in 7 over par, and he wasn’t done yet. After a par on the third hole, he bogeyed 4, and then he made a nice birdie at the par 5 5th to get him to +4 through 14 holes and hopefully give him some momentum. Unfortunately, he blocked his umpteenth drive of the day right into a bunker and did a nice job of catching his approach fat and letting it land a good 20 yards short of the green in the water. Another. Double. Bogey. He managed to make pars at 7 and 8, but for good measure he failed to get up and down from a greenside bunker on 9 and made bogey for an opening round 7 over 77, that’s an avalanche of strokes. Take a look at this scorecard, to borrow a phrase from the Rolling Stones, she’s like a rainbow. If only he could have thrown an eagle in there we would have seen the entire color spectrum on that card. Sheesh. 3 doubles, 5 bogeys, and 4 birdies do not make for a happy Tiger.

I made it home for lunch when the television coverage started at 1 pm and they were showing the high, I mean lowlights of his round. I was shocked by his body language. I was expecting Happy Gilmore, or at least Tiger Woods like outbursts and temper tantrums, but he was for the most part stoic while hitting shit shot after shit shot. Not Tiger’s style. I don’t assume to know what goes through Tiger Woods’ head, but when he was winning once every three or four starts and apparently sleeping with any woman who gave him a second look, he had to have been thinking about a lot out there right? Woods had to have been really good at compartmentalizing everything that was going on in his life. He was obviously juggling a wife (who figured out what he was doing eventually), two kids, an endless string of extramarital affairs, and oh yeah, being the best damn golfer who ever lived. Now, what’s going on in his life? He fired his caddy. Charles Barkley has publicly called him out for not being a good friend. He fired his swing coach. He has been hurt, or sort of hurt, for three years, and he has not won a tournament for two. The only things he has to worry about now are his kids and his game. I am not in any way recommending doing what Tiger Woods did off the course, but you have to wonder if the thrill and excitement of all the play he was getting while sneaking around kept him sharp on the course. Because right now, he ain’t crisp.

Reader Participation - Take another look at the picture at the top of the blog. At that point in the round he is riding high at 3 under par, and although he probably did not know it, he briefly held the lead for a few minutes. In the comment section, give me your best caption for this picture.