We Call This a Winning Streak

Maikel Franco hits his first Major League Home Run - Photo Courtesy Philadelphia Inquirer

It has been a week since the Philadelphia Phillies last lost a baseball game. I didn’t think there was any way we’d be able to say that this year unless they strung together three in a row around the All-Star Break. In fact, the six game streak the Phils are currently riding is the longest since September of 2012 which also happens to be the last time they played meaningful baseball games. They’re playing good enough ball that I have to postpone the second volume of the The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because I can’t come up with anything too bad this past week.

It really comes down to the offense finding a little  bit of life and the pitching staff doing their share to keep the Phils in games and hold leads late. In the first 34 games of the season the Phils scored four or more runs just 12 times, and they had an 8-4 record to show for it. In the other 22 games, when they scored 3 or less, they went 3-19. Yikes.

Cole Hamels got the Phils their first win of this streak (and also secured the 6^th straight in Colorado) against the Pittsburgh Pirates with a 3-2 victory. Since that game, the Phils have run totals of 4, 4, 7, 6, and 4. It’s fairly simple, you score more, you win more. How have the Phils been doing it though?

The answer once again is simple. They are getting more hits. In the first 34 games of the season the Phils averaged 7.6 hits per game while the National League averaged a hit more at 8.6 per game. In those 34 games the Phils managed double digit hits just 5 times. During the 6 game win streak the Phils have had 4 double digit hit games and are averaging 9.8 hits per contest. They have raised their team batting average 17 points from .223 to .240 since the last Hitter’s Count post and are now 12^th in the NL in batting average as opposed to dead last.

There is still a serious lack of power from the offense, as they are averaging a measly .55 home runs per game when the NL average is .9 per game. That lack of power hasn’t stopped several key Phillies from raising their slugging percentage a considerable amount in the last six games. Ryan Howard is 8 for his last 16 and raised his average from .211 to .252. The Big Piece has impressive numbers for the month of May with a .327 average, .383 on base percentage, and .582 slugging mark. His strikeout rate has also come down a considerable amount from his career average. Howard is striking out 25% of the time this season down from a career 30% rate.

Meanwhile, Chase Utley, I don’t want to say he’s found a groove yet, but he’s certainly had better results at the plate since finally being dropped in the batting order to 6^th. It took Sandy a month too long to do this, 3 weeks if you want to be generous. Utley has hits in 7 of his last 9 games and has raised his average from .099 to .143. He has doubled in 3 consecutive games after only recording one two base hit in the first 36 games of the season.

But now to the important stuff. Hamels is doing what he can to keep his trade value very high and Howard and Utley are 2011’s news. The Phillies that may actually mean something when this team is good again are showing some signs of life and that’s really all us Phillies fans are asking for this year. That and hopefully 63 wins to avoid the triple digit loss embarrassment.

Somehow Freddy Galvis is still hitting over .340 - .341 to be exact. This is the same Freddy Galvis that started his 2014 season 1 for 30. He’s also proven to not be a serious drop off in talent at the shortstop position from Jimmy Rollins. This cannot be taken for granted. Galvis seems to make all the routine plays and can certainly go deep in the hole or dive for a ball up the middle, pirouette, and fire a strike to first. JP Crawford is waiting in the wings to be the heir apparent to Rollins, but outplaying Galvis for the shortstop spot would be a tall order right now. Perhaps, if Freddy is still playing at a high level he would be able to step in for Utley once his day finally comes.

And then finally we have young Maikel Franco. The 22 year old Dominican third baseman has arrived and early signs point to him being a stalwart at the hot corner for years to come. His call up was delayed until Friday in order to give him another year under Phillies control before his first chance at free agency. The Phillies have not lost with him in the lineup. Sunday he hit his first major league home run and that ball went 40 feet shorter than the triple he slammed off the center field wall. He’s also made several nice plays in the field and could give Phillies the first right handed at bat to look forward to since Jayson Werth left town.

In a sad bit of irony, the Phils won Cody Asche whiffle ball bat giveaway day two days after Asche was sent down to the minors to get some experience in left field. You have to chuckle at that.

Things will no doubt be tougher for the Phils than the past week has been, but hey let’s enjoy this while we can.


As part of a new initiative on The Hitter's Count Blog we're welcoming guest blogger Andrew Eisenhart. If you're a frequent reader of The Hitter's Count, you'll remember Mr. Eisenhart as the loser in the Michael Carter-Williams Shooting Challenge. Mr. Eisenhart will provide his generally unique opinions on different Phils matters via three paragraph essays. Here is his initial offering.

Phillies Pride

There is a great scene in the movie Trainspotting in which a few friends from Scotland argue over Scottish pride.  Ultimately, they determine that it is shite to be Scottish.  Personally, I happen to enjoy Scottish culture quite a bit; Edinburgh’s a fine town, I’ve been through there once.   However, this scene examines more than just an opinion.  It examines one’s ability to recognize that something you hold with such high pride is ultimately shite. 

With 10,150 losses since 1890, I think it’s time that we realistically examine our own pride for the Philadelphia Phillies.  They are the losingest sports club in this country, and perhaps the world.  If we lived in Europe, the club would most likely be playing year after year in either the country’s 4^th or 5^th division; playing in a wretched stadium with an optimistic future that could easily be compared to the optimism surrounding Syria’s economic future.  Luckily, for the owner’s sake, the MLB does not have a relegation system.  Therefore, as fans, we can take pride in 2 World Championships, 7 Pennants and 14 Playoff Appearances in 125 seasons. 

Recently, Jonathan Papelbon broke the organization’s saves record with 113 saves.  Go Jonathan!  If Papelbon were playing for the Colorado Rockies, a club that has been around since 1993, he would be 2^nd on their saves list.  This is salt in the wound for Phillies fans.   Not only are we a shite organization, but players realize this and choose not to remain and/or play in Philadelphia.  Papelbon, along with consistently making it clear he is fine with being traded, has made this sentiment very clear: “No, I would like to stay here.  But if I’m going to have to put up with this year after year, then no, I don’t want to be here.  Why would you?  Why would anybody?”

Jonathan, you are correct.

It is easier to think than write and this is what I think.  

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Vol. 1

Explaining the Phillies offense to Mrs. Gump

The first month of the season has ended and the Phillies are who we thought they were, to borrow a phrase from former NFL coach Dennis Green. They’re in last place in the NL East at 8-14, they have second worst run differential in the Majors at -40 (60 runs scored 100 given up) and they flat out can’t hit the ball. If anybody tries to complain to me about the current state of this year’s team my standard response is, “Well, what did you expect?”

This team does not have a chance to be good the same way the Sixers did not have a chance to be good in the wretched season they just finished. The problem is the Phils were put together with the intention of winning whereas the Sixers always intended to lose. This season will ramble on as a disaster but as fans of the Phillies it’s important to find some good in the ball club, even when it is almost all bad. That’s why we’re starting a new series on The Hitter’s Count Blog called The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. It’s a fitting name because each inning, each game, each series from here on out will most likely have some good, some bad, and some ugly to it, that’s just who the Phils are these days. Ryne Sandberg is the opposite of the Man With No Name because he’s not doing anything to help this collection of low grade baseball talent, but that’s for another time.

The Good

Holy shit! Is that Freddie Galvis hitting .361 after 21 games? A couple big hits? Flashy leather? Is a Phillie  making the most of an opportunity for the first time since Shane Victorino and Jayson Werth? Let’s not get carried away we’re not even ¼ of the way into the season but let’s do a quick comparison shall we?

Galvis                    Stat                        Rollins

21                           Games                  21

.361                        Avg                        .185

.403                        On Base               .280

.444                        Slugging               .333

9                              Runs                      10

3                              Errors                    4

.964                        Fielding %            .944

I’m sure none of us really expected Jimmy Rollins to turn back the clock in LA, but did anybody expect  Galvis to be out playing him at the plate and in the field after a month? No, nobody did.

Speaking of making the most of an opportunity (so far!), there’s young Rule 5 draft pick center fielder Odubel Herrera. Odoobs, as we call him, has been the most productive offensive player on the team and has held his own in center considering he was a second baseman his whole career until a few months ago. Odoobs is hitting .304 and leads the team in extra base hits (8), runs (9), and is second in steals (4), slugging (.430), and walks (5).  

Some other positives to take from the first month include Aaron "Lemon" Harang starting the season with 3 straight quality starts, he did not get his 4^th against the Cardinals Wednesday night. Jonthan Papelbon is 5 for 5 in save opportunities and only given up one run. Ken Giles, the heir to the Pap throne, has the most appearances and most innings in the bullpen, and the lowest ERA – he has yet to allow a run. Cole Hamels can’t seem to find the strike zone consistently but he’s still grinding out starts, and has his ERA down to 3.19 after a rough first two starts.

The Bad

It may be hard to distinguish the bad from some of the ugly as there will be plenty of both as the season goes on, but The Hitter’s Count will do its best. So we knew the offense would be bad coming into the season, but here’s just how bad it is with league ranks and the National League averages following each stat. Note this is out of 15 teams.

Runs – 60 / 15^th / 87

Hits – 157 / 14^th / 180

Doubles – 26 / 14^th / 36

Home Runs – 12 / 15^th / 18

Average –  .223 / 15^th / .248

On base – .280 / 14^th / .311

Slugging - .325 / 15^th / .385

Wow, painful just to get that down on paper. And that’s not even the ugly!! This is like that scene in Forrest Gump where the principal shows his mom this here’s normal, this here’s Forrest, and he points well below the minimum acceptable IQ. In this case, it’s every single offensive stat.  Too bad Sandy can’t sleep with somebody to get us out of this mess.

The Ugly

Chase Utley. My god, not sure I’ve ever seen anything as bad as Chase Utley’s stat line through the first month. Chase Utley is 8-70 on the season, hitting .114. EIGHT FOR SEVENTY! He went 3-3 with 2 home runs in a game against the Mets two weeks ago, so if you take away that game Utley is 5-77 (.064) with zero extra base hits. He does not have a double on the season. Chase has certainly hit into a ton of bad luck as evidenced by the advanced stat metric BABIP (Batting Average on Balls in Play) where he is dead last in the league at .102. Regardless, it’s been raw sewage at the plate for Chase and stupefyingly Ryne Sandberg continues to pencil him in batting 3 every single night. Sandy had no qualms about dropping Ryan Howard down in the lineup as low as 7^th, and while Howard hasn’t responded to the tune of raising his average he has belted 4 home runs this week, which is nice. I just don’t get the thought process of Sandy continuing to bat Utley in the most important spot in the lineup when he’s proven to be in the worst slump of his career. Make it stop Chase, or Sandy, one of you. For the sake of everyone.

Jake Diekman. Oh boy. 9 innings pitched, 10 earned runs, 9 walks, 2.44 WHIP, 10.0 ERA. Time to rethink some things Jake.

We don’t need to get any more in depth than this. Until next time sports fans..

Welcome Back to Major League Baseball... Sort Of

Wishing this man all the luck in the world this season, he's going to need it.

The Philadelphia Phillies will begin their 2015 campaign this afternoon in South Philadelphia against the Boston Red Sox. It should easily be the most attended game of the season and will most likely be the only time the Phillies aren't below .500 for the year.

As the season begins it's safe to say that this is the least anticipated season in Phillies memory for anybody younger than 30 years old. I can't remember a time when there was less hope or future for a professional sports team. The fact that the people responsible for the decisions that turned a juggernaut into a laughing stock in the blink of an eye is a cruel joke played on the fans. It's insulting to our intelligence.

I normally run a season preview that breaks down the different aspects of the team but there is really no need for that this season. It's all garbage, trust me. Earlier this past week, the official Vegas lines came out for the over/under of win totals for each team in the league. The Phils came in at either 66.5 or 67.5 wins for the year depending on what site you're looking at. That is 4 games lower than any other team in Major League Baseball (The DBacks are 71.5). Vegas generally knows what they're doing if you haven't been paying attention to betting lines for the past 50 years.

I laughed at that number with the feeling that there is no way this collection of has-beens and never-will-bes (minus Cole Hamels) will be able to win that many games. Here is the text conversation that ensued from there between a few of my closest friends and I.

A few asterisks on the statements I made (I'm in blue). 
*Carlos Ruiz is 36
*Darin Ruf will turn 29 in July
*Cliff Lee is not dead 


So it will be an incredibly odd experience following this team this year. I'll tune in to catch the (luxury) train wreck that is the end of Ryan Howard's career. I'll tune in for Hamels' starts in the hope that he can be the best pitcher in the NL and net the biggest possible return for his services in a trade. I'll tune in to watch Chase Utley play in a shell of what Chase Utley used to be. I'll tune in to watch Freddy Galvis hit .215 and not be half the defensive shortstop Jimmy Rollins was. I'll tune in to watch Ben Revere be the weakest hitting corner outfielder (and really any position) in Major League Baseball. I'll tune in to laugh at anybody who starts a game for the Phils not named Cole Hamels. I'll tune in to pray Jonathan Papelbon can duplicate last season's performance so he can get traded off this team. I'll tune in to watch Ken Giles and Jake Diekman throw 100 MPH as over-worked set-up men. I'll tune in to see if the new Rule 5 center fielder, Odubel Herrera, has any discernible major league talent. I'll tune in to laugh and cry at anything that involves Dom Brown. I'll tune in to see if the new man in the booth, Ben Davis, will be better to listen to than Jamie Moyer. I'll tune in more to the radio than the TV broadcast because Larry Andersen is that good. 

Just know that I'll be tuning in way less than any year for the last 20 because the Phillies don't deserve our attention this year. The management was so insanely short-sighted that they don't deserve to be rewarded with high ratings or more than a half-full stadium. Maybe this is cynical, but considering Ruben Amaro is still calling the shots I feel like it's the only way to be.

I do love the Phillies, it's just a different kind of love these days. Here's to better days in the distant future..

Your Arrogance Offends Me

Editor's Note: The majority of the post was written prior to the signing of Demarco Murray.

Chip Kelly - Commander in Chief

I really considered Chip Kelly a borderline genius. He has seemed to make an offense go even when you’re not sure why it should. I don’t know that I doubt the man as a coach, but now that he’s taken over the player personnel responsibilities of the Philadelphia Eagles it feels like he’s let his ego get the better of him.

I keep going back to the Liam Neeson line from Taken when he talks to the thugs he knows are responsible for kidnapping his daughter.

“Your arrogance offends me”

 

I don’t think I’ve ever encountered arrogance like I’ve seen from Chip Kelly. I’ve felt it since he showed up here from Oregon but its been validated over the past 72 hours. I’ve never encountered a man who feels he’s more above talent than Chip Kelly. It's like he thinks anybody can do the things his talented former players can do, just because they play football for him.

I feel like I’m in a nightmare starring Andy Reid’s evil brother. As Eagles fans, we enjoyed great times with Reid. You can’t take away from the success he had here, but in the end when the talent ran out, in part because of Reid’s “I’m smarter than every one else here” attitude, Reid was unbearable. 

Reid talked down to the media. Condescension was thick. He did what he wanted to do and fulfilled his obligations to the media in a way that would make Greg Popovich seem endearing. And you know what? Andy Reid had a proven track record to give him some leeway to have that kind of attitude. He was responsible for picking Brian Westbrook in the 3^rd round and Trent Cole in the 5^th. He picked Donovan McNabb over Ricky Williams.  He might not have won a Super Bowl but he came closer than anybody else in Eagles history.

So what am I talking so much about Reid for?

Because Chip Kelly is making me miss Big Red and I’m the same guy who called for Reid’s head in this 2012 post.

Chip certainly came in hot during the 2013 season, setting Eagles scoring records and running an offense at a pace the likes of which nobody had ever seen in the NFL. He had a great regular season run fueled by a miraculous half-luck, half-talent, half-system aided all-time performance from quarterback Nick Foles.

Foles had a career year. Desean Jackson had a career year. Lesean McCoy had a career year. For chrissake Riley Cooper had a career year.

Remarkably, impossibly, insanely, Riley Cooper is the only one still employed by Jeffrey Lurie.

The Desean release just still grinds my gears. It’s the first domino in a mindset decision wise that has really trended the opposite of common sense and into the direction that Chip Kelly knows something we as fans don’t. Of course, Chip should know things we don't know as fans, but it'd be nice if any of those things seemed to make sense in making the Eagles a better football team.

It’s like I always have to talk myself into whatever Chip is trying to do, but logic gets in my way. Here’s what it’s like for me trying to justify the jettisoning of proven talent in my own head.

So long Desean..

If we forget about all of the off the field stuff for a minute, can you find a more valuable receiver to an offense than a guy like Desean Jackson? There’s just so many things he can influence positively that there is no way he isn’t worth the money if he’s performing at a peak level. Even the casual fan can understand that Desean Jackson has the kind of speed that worries a defense. It’s gamebreaking speed. It’s the kind of thing that can’t be replaced.You can’t tell me that the Eagles offense wouldn’t have been better this year if Desean Jackson wasn’t out there being Desean Jackson. But since we had him under contract we must’ve got something in return for him right? No, the smear campaign that the Eagles PR squad punted on didn’t do much for Jackson’s trade value, but a guy who just put up 1300+ yards and 9 TD has to be worth something right? Nope, we just cut him.  

Jackson's absence had to make things harder on the Eagles offense in 2014. You don’t think Lesean McCoy may have suffered a bit from safeties not being worried about Jeremy Maclin or Riley Cooper getting behind them? You don’t think Lesean McCoy may have struggled a bit if he had to run behind an offensive line that started 10 different men? Oh, Shady still ran for 1300+ yards for the third time in the last four years and is only 27? Okay. Shady did have a ton of touches and you always have to sell high on a running back. What did we get back? Shady has to be worth quite a bit performing at that kind of level and is still a few years before his age 30 season. Oh. We got back Kiko Alonso from the Buffalo Bills in exchange for Shady? What did he do last year I don’t follow the Bills that closely? Oh, he tore his ACL and didn’t play the whole season? Okay, at least he was really good his rookie year when he came out of Oregon... So the Birds have cleared some cap space and sent Shady packing. It’s hard to take because a guy with talent like that does not come around too often, but of course Chip’s system can allow anybody to plug in at running back and be productive. He knows what he’s doing.




Pour one out for your Eagles 25 jersey..

So now what’s this? Chip doesn’t think it’s necessary to re-sign Jeremy Maclin? Wow, Maclin is coming off a year just about as good as Desean’s 2013. He didn’t even have the benefit of Desean attracting attention on the other side of the field. He must’ve wanted a ton of money? Oh, it was reported to be a difference of $2 million between what the Eagles offered and where he signed with the Kansas City Chiefs? I guess all that extra cap space wasn’t for a guy who obviously has the chops of a premier wide receiver. Man, that leaves us with Riley Cooper as our number one wide receiver. Okay? I guess.


We hardly knew ya Jeremy. Hey Andy..

Oh. My. God. Chip is trading Nick Foles for Sam Bradford? The same former number one overall pick Sam Bradford that has blown out his knee two consecutive years running? The same Sam Bradford that underwhelmed in St. Louis even when he was healthy?! Okay, the Eagles at least had to have gotten some compensation back from the Rams considering Foles is able-bodied and has a record of success from the past two years that can’t even compare to Bradford’s inability to stay on the field. Oh, what’s that? The Eagles actually gave up next year’s second round pick in this deal? You’ve got to be kidding me! What does Chip know that we don’t?!? He’s officially gone off the rails after this move. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how you’d want to give it a go with Sam Bradford over Nick Foles. To be fair, I don’t think either of these guys has what it takes to win a Super Bowl but the biggest kicker for me feeling like Chip has lost any form of a cohesive plan is the money owed to Sam Bradford. I thought we traded Lesean McCoy because he made too much money? At least McCoy was productive. Sam Bradford is coming in to Philadelphia with a $12.9 million salary and a $16.9 million hit against the salary cap. So let me recap this deal. The Eagles traded Nick Foles, a guy who went 14-4 under Chip Kelly and is scheduled to make $1.4 million this year, for Sam Bradford who if he can stay healthy through training camp will be stepping foot on an NFL field for the first time in 22 months. That’s hard to take and hard to understand as a fan of the Eagles. The fact that Chip also gave up a second round pick in the deal is staggering. There is a slim amount of solace in the deal in that the Eagles do receive a conditional 3^rd or 4^th round pick from the Rams in 2016 if Bradford cannot stay on the field. I just don’t get it..

So what could possibly come next?

Miraculously, Chip was able to fall ass backwards into saving face the day after it appeared like he fell flat on it. Somehow hated rival Demarco Murray of the Dallas Cowboys was expressing interest that he wanted to come play for the Chipper. Somehow, some way, Chip and the Eagles were able to sign the biggest free agent on the market in reigning offensive player of the year Murray.

You have to thank Chip’s offensive system, and most likely Murray's former Oklahoma Sooner teammate Sam Bradford, for attracting a talent like that but the acquisition still feels odd to me. I have my doubts that Chip Kelly expected to have Sam Bradford and Demarco Murray as his QB1 and RB1 heading into the 2015 draft. I certainly could be wrong, but it just feels to me that he got lucky that Murray was still available and was willing to sign with the Eagles after Chip’s world seemed to be crashing down on him. The fact that the Eagles still signed oft-injured running back Ryan Matthews the same day they signed Murray also is quite perplexing considering the Eagles could sorely use a wide receiver with the loss of Maclin. But hey, I'm sure Chip knows something we don't.

Welcome to the squad Demarco

The bottom line is that Chip made about 13 straight moves that displayed an increasing level of arrogance. To some degree you need that ego to get to the level he is at, but  when you haven’t won jack shit in the NFL it remains to be seen whether that kind of superciliousness is warranted. You see arrogance from coaches all the time. Bill Belichik comes to mind. I follow Phil Jackson on Twitter and that guy is just a smug prick. But you don’t think of Belichick and Jackson without thinking about Brady, Jordan, Kobe and Shaq. Right now I think about Chip Kelly and I think about Desean Jackson and Lesean McCoy, so he can tone down that arrogance a bit until he actually wins something.

Dysfunction Junction

Killer jumpsuit Rube

“Ruben Amaro flew the plane straight into the mountain,” John Gallagher.

That pretty much sums up the last 3 years of Phillies baseball and another season lacking hope is staring us Phillies fans straight in the eye.

The 2015 Phillies will play meaningful games in just over a month and the atmosphere promises to be one of the most awkward and dysfunctional settings possible. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I read the different headlines coming out of Clearwater. Today marks the first day of a full squad practice but let’s take a look at what has been happening since the Phils finished the 2014 season last in the NL East.

We’ll start with the Ryan Howard in the room. Ruben put his hand on the table during the offseason; the only problem was he wasn’t holding any face cards. Somehow he thought it beneficial to announce to the media that the Phillies would be better off not having Howard on the roster. He took that one from the “No Shit!” department, but where was the gain in saying that? Maybe he thought he needed even less leverage with teams looking to acquire the highest paid position player in the MLB who happens to be aged, oft-injured, and no longer capable of slugging over .400. Maybe he wanted to have painfully awkward conversations with Ryan when no trade offers came in and Ryan remained on the team. Maybe he wanted to have to answer difficult questions from the media regarding Howard. It seems like he must have wanted to have to do these things considering what he said.

With the money Howard is owed, $60 million guaranteed for the next two seasons (25 this year and next then a $10 million buyout for 2017), it was already going to be next to impossible to trade him considering his lack of production. Ruben had to know this considering everybody who half-heartedly follows the Phillies knows this. So I repeat, what did he have to gain by saying publicly that the Phillies would be better off without Ryan Howard? The answer to that question is an even more dysfunctional clubhouse. There’s no reason you can’t say Ryan Howard is our first baseman to the media and then quietly shop him to every team willing to listen. At least it shows a more united front and doesn’t put Howard in the position to come into spring training absolutely dreading having to speak to the media.

Regardless of how he plays it will be interesting to watch Ryan Howard compete this year. How will he carry himself? How many games will he play? How many homers will he hit? How many times will he strikeout on a breaking ball down and away? I’m intrigued just getting to watch him still play every day, it’s like a science experiment.

Ruben is like the anti-Sam Hinkie. Did they both really go to Stanford? Sam at least seems to have a plan, whether you like it or not. Ruben is just lost at sea without a life jacket.

Next we have the only player on the Phillies that other teams find desirable. Once again, Ruben let it be known that Cole Hamels was on the trading block. Once again, I don’t see the need for the public display of lacking affection. It’s obvious that the Phillies are not operating from a position of power in the trade market, and Ruben continually places them in a place with less bargaining power by opening his mouth about what he’s trying to do. The writing is on the wall Rube, so there’s no need to read it aloud.

So last week USA Today broke a story with quotes from Hamels saying that he wants to compete but that the Phillies aren’t going to do that, essentially saying he wants out. That really gives the fans a warm and fuzzy feeling about the team’s best player. You understand where Hamels is coming from, but when you’re still owed $96 million from the only team that’s ever employed you it’s hard to take.

The goal will be for Hamels to pitch his ass off for the first few months of the season so that the Phillies can land the biggest return possible for him. It’s a shitty goal to root for, but that’s the reality.

Meanwhile, the ticking time bomb that is Jonathan Papelbon on a losing team has remained fairly quiet during this off season. The Papelbon situation is a catch 22. I’m of the opinion that Jon is actually smart enough to realize that if he shoots his mouth off or gets labeled as a clubhouse cancer (even more than usual) then he becomes untradeable. And there’s no way that Jonathan Papelbon wants to finish this season with the Phillies. I think he stays in line and pitches like he’s in a contract year to give himself the best shot at getting off this team. If he speaks his mind, it is awfully unlikely that any team will want to take on that headache and that contract (highest paid reliever in the history of the MLB – thanks Rube).

Cliff Lee’s return to the mound is probably the biggest enigma surrounding this ball club. If Lee can return to form it’s possible that the Phillies are not quite as wretched as everyone thinks they are going to be (At 275/1 to win the World Series the Phillies are the biggest long shot by more than double any other team). They certainly won’t hit the baseball, like at all. But if Lee and  Hamels are in peak form they shouldn’t have to be the worst team in baseball. Cliff seems to be in good spirits as he answered questions last week with the help of a Magic 8 Ball.

The reality is that the Phillies will in all likelihood start Dom Brown, Ben Revere, and Jeff Francoeur in the outfield. They’ll replace Jimmy Rollins with Freddie Galvis. Utley and Howard will be a year further out of their primes, same for Chooch. And hopefully Maikel Franco can play his way to the starting 3^rd baseman leaving Cody Asche as the main utility man. That doesn’t exactly sound like runs.

So let’s raise a glass to the 2015 Phillies, you’re going to need to regularly to get through this season.

The Villain Countdown - Lethal Weapon and Die Hard

Hans.. Bubby!

I was flipping the channels the other day and landed on Lethal Weapon 3. Can you separate those? I’m sure it’s tough for most, just a lot of Riggs’ questionable hair length and Murtaugh seemingly always being too old for this shit. So that’s where I come in. For some reason those movies have stuck with me, maybe it was the lore of Mel Gibson in his prime. Maybe it was the buddy cop aspect with a little Joe Pesci thrown in (from the 2^nd one on).

Anyway, the third one got me thinking. The first one was Gary Busey throwing nothing but heat for some sinister blond prick and they weren’t afraid of kidnapping a cop’s daughter. The second one was the Apartheid South African evil doers running heroin and planting toilet bombs, man Murtaugh saw some shit in his day.  The third one was former police officer Jack Travis being as evil and disturbing as a bad guy gets. And of course, who could forget Jet Li’s star making turn as the martial arts expert that damn near killed Riggs and Murtaugh in the 4^th installment? I know I couldn’t.

So from there, I thought a list of bad guys is something missing from most people’s lives, but clearly just a list of Lethal Weapon bad guys wouldn’t quench the thirst of my readers needing to know who the worst arch villains were in action movie franchises. From the title I’m sure you can guess where we’re heading. That’s right. We’re on our way to ranking the top 8 bad guys* from the Lethal Weapon and Die Hard franchises!

When it came to maintaining a sense of humor in the face of certain death for yourself or people close to you it didn’t get much better than Riggs and McClane for action franchises that spanned multiple installments from the 80s through the 90s. Y'know?

Before we get in to the actual countdown of villains I would be remiss to not point out a few parts of these movies that  made them so memorable for me. We’re going to hand out some awards.

Best use of bullshitting your way through a situation with acronyms:

“The FAAs got a new SOP for DOAs“ when McClane needed to check the pockets of the terrorists he killed in the beginning of Die Hard 2 because he had a hunch they were up to more than stealing luggage. Wrong place wrong time again, huh John?

By far the most memorable woman from any of the movies in the franchises because of a spectacular nude scene and ultimately heartbreaking death for a boy of 9 who was watching this for the first time on Prism after Shawn Bradley lost a game in 94:

Did they have to kill her directly following this scene? I'm still traumatized.

That award goes to the smoking hot South African blond in Lethal Weapon 2. I didn’t know her name then and I still don’t know but I want to thank the lord for her the same way Jimmy Dugan thanked the lord for that waitress in South Bend.

Biggest dickhead: Ellis, by far. (Die Hard)

Best Car Ride:

This goes to Riggs and Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon 4 for driving a Pontiac Grand Prix off an elevated highway and into a high rise office building. Then driving through the entire floor of the office building while appearing not to run over anything but desks and literally flying out the other end of the building and hopping back on to the elevated highway which had conveniently snaked around the building to be there for them to land on.

Most improbable escape from a suddenly flooded underground aquaduct tunnel:

Shoooo.. that award goes to John McClane in Die Hard: With a Vengeance for doing a 40 MPH 180 in a dump truck and then managing to rig the gas pedal while he climbed the dump truck only to grab an escape ladder and get shot out a tunnel as part of a geyser from the flood waters. You had to be there I'm telling you.

Best extended climax fight scene that involved at least 100+ cops watching Riggs fight Busey to the death in front of Murtaugh’s house and included the actual challenge “Would you like a shot at the title?”:

This award goes to Sergeant Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon 1 for this amazing sequence. Parental advisory on that one.

Best use of the F word:

It’s a tie.

Obviously, you can’t omit every yippy-kay-yay-mother-fu**er. That’s a given

But remember ,“They F**K you at the drive-thru!!” and always check your order before you drive away.

Alright without further adieu..

God, whether they were incredibly brilliant, incredibly ruthless, or both, the villains in these movies stuck with a kid growing up in the 90s.

8. Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) - Live Free or Die Hard or Die Hard 4 for those not willing to figure out what number this one was.

Next

7. The South Africans – Lethal Weapon 2 - Older, racist, embarrassing looking whites that you really needed to see get their comeuppance.

They did, of course. But their trap of setting up a bomb underneath the toilet in Roger Murtaugh’s house made for one of the more memorable and relationship building scenes in a blossoming partnership. It also gave the guys doing the score another chance to throw in that superfluous saxophone that defined the LW movies.

The racist drug dealers were a bit too non-descript to rank on this list of intense villainy but make no mistake about their callous approach to life. I mean, how could they kill the blond like that? At least Murtaugh revoked their diplomatic immunity.

6.  Colonels Esperanza and Stewart and all those goons – Die Hard 2: Die Harder

These guys were sophisticated and tricky. We’re talking overtaking an airport and setting up a control tower from a church sophisticated. We’re talking bringing in a military unit that has actually flipped and become mercenaries working for The Colonel tricky. You have to tip your cap to the owner of McDowell’s from Coming to America (John Amos) for having the balls to slash some throats on his way to a payday. I did not see that coming on first view.

Last smoke ring that guy's gonna blow.

Sidenote – this is one of the funnier moves to watch as the WPHL 17 movie of the week. Plenty of cursing that gets dubbed instead of blanked out. Two of my personal faves.

Actual Line - Amos to McClane: You’re an asshole, but you’re my kind of asshole.

Clean Line – Amos to McClane: You’re a rascal, but you’re my kind of rascal.

Actual Line – Yippee-kay-yay MotherFu**er!

Clean Line – Yippee-kay-yay Mr. Falcon!

5. Jack Travis (Stuart Wilson) - Lethal Weapon 3

I just remember him pushing a guy into a hole on a construction site and burying him alive with concrete while at least 5 other guys watched and did nothing. I found it disturbing and still do.

4. Wah Sing Ku (Jet Li) – Lethal Weapon 4 – Had to look up that movie name obviously.

Don't worry, they all walk outta that scene alive.

I’m sure it wasn’t his film debut but this is the first time I remember seeing Jet Li kick ass on screen. He was ominous in this flick. I legit think he said about 4 words in this total and that was after his brother was killed in a shootout. He was always lurking with a menacing glare, strangling his people who failed him on rooftops, taking out 7 people at a time, moving quicker than you would think possible, taking guns apart with one hand, and setting Murtaugh’s house on fire with entire families tied up and left for dead inside. Man, Roger Murtaugh is up there for having gone through some shit. 

3. Simon Gruber (Jeremy Irons) – Die Hard: With a Vengeance or Die Hard 3

“I know the man I know the family,” John McClane talking about Peter Krieg, born Simon Peter Gruber.

Simon Gruber was indeed trying to pull a Hans Gruber and fake a heist with a terrorist act. Gruber brought more of a charm to his villain than those  already recapped. He had no problem blowing up people and buildings but he also really liked to mess with McClane. What a series of riddles, nearly impossible situations, and goosechases Gruber sent McClane and Jesus (Hey Zeus aka Samuel L) on in DH:WAV. It almost made him a bit endearing for me. Sure the killing was senseless but he had flare in other areas, and he even was getting it on with the creepy chick who liked killing dudes with giant sickle like swords.

Great jaw

2. Joshua (Gary Busey) – Lethal Weapon

I’ve written about Gary Busey before in this blog and I feel like this role may have been a turning point in his life. I mean the dude was playing Buddy Holly in the late 70s and geeked out to the max. He had to go to a dark place to pull off the sadistic Joshua in the original film in the series and perhaps hasn’t been the same man since. If you want to see some overacting at its finest sit down and watch Lethal Weapon 1. Riggs is really trying to come to grips with his life crumbling around him and pouring it on to that effect. Meanwhile, Busey is matching him step for step on crazy and its more the look in his eye than anything. Busey is ready to kill and programmed to do so in this classic. He was a worthy adversary but Martin Riggs is Martin Riggs.

1. Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) – Die Hard

“Get me my detonators”

“Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho”

“Mr. Takagi..”

“Shoot ze glass”

“Clay, Bill Clay”

“I’m an exceptional thief”

Yeah, he didn't make it.

Hans Gruber folks. He sticks with you.

For your reference:

Die Hard - 1988
Die Hard 2: Die Harder - 1990
Die Hard 3: With a Vengeance - 1995
Live Free or Die Hard - Shouldn't have done it, or the one after.

Lethal Weapon - 1987
Lethal Weapon 2 - 1989
Lethal Weapon 3 - 1992
Lethal Weapon 4 - 1998

*We’re not counting whatever they called the 5^th Die Hard and to be honest we’re only counting Live Free or Die Hard, the 4^th Die Hard, for symmetry purposes.